Pass It On

There's a quote from one of my favourite plays The History Boys that just came to mind while I sit here ruminating on my situation. "Pass the parcel, thats sometimes all you can do. Take it, feel it, and pass it on." Here's another one. "The best moments in reading are when you come across something …

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Music & Emotion

Some of the most beautiful moments in my admissions have surrounded music. What made me happy was communal sharing of people's music libraries, connected to a portable speaker, in the smokers courtyard. It made me fucking ecstatic. My friend, a fellow patient, rapping Vanilla Ice's Ice Ice Baby with 100% accuracy. That sight is the eighth …

Good

When I'm depressed I feel like the person I used to be has disappeared and something that doesn't quite fit has taken its place. It's uncomfortable, a skin crawling feeling that leaves me agitated and restless. I didn’t always feel like this, in fact I felt the complete opposite. Everything needed to be bigger. My …

Isolation.

It's funny how paradoxical depression is. People rally around you, offer their care and support for the difficult time you're going through. But that begins to add to the despair, for me at least. I get to a point, a point so low and dark that I can't stand the thought of speaking to anyone. …

Mess.

My room is such a mess. There's a pile of clothes off to my left that is the height of my bed, an ever growing mass that so succinctly captures the clutter that clogs up my brain at the moment. I tell myself every morning that today is the day I get rid of it, …